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  • Writer's pictureAnastasia Boden

Holiday gift guide for the SCOTUS lover

Looking for a gift for a Supreme Court aficionado? Look no further! The SCOTUSLadies have a gift guide for that.


For the Scalia-loving SCOTUS lover: a “stupid but constitutional” stamp.


A stamp that says "stupid but constitutional"
My own personal stamp would say "stupid and unconstitutional," but you do you, Scalia!

Justice Scalia frequently remarked that very stupid laws could also be constitutional. According to his son Chris, he even said that his job would be a lot easier if he could just stamp the phrase on a piece of paper rather than writing whole opinions. Apparently that led someone to send him his very own “STUPID BUT CONSTITUTIONAL” stamp. You, too, can own such a stamp! But because of an apparent market failure, no one is selling them yet. So you’ll have to request a custom stamp through Etsy, available here. ($13).


Don’t worry, when Elizabeth and I get our SCOTUSLadies shop up, we’ll correct this market failure tout suite.


For the basic SCOTUS lover: a Supreme Court ornament.


There are no shortage of Supreme Court-themed Christmas ornaments around, but these two from the Supreme Court Historical Study are not only official SCOTUS swag, they’re cute!


A Supreme Court stocking, available here. Fill my stocking with decisions in favor of liberty, please! ($14).


I kind of like this one, too, even if it’s from 2020. A good gift for your friend who successfully argued a Supreme Court case that term! ($23).




For the fancy Supreme Court lover: a pen made of oak from SCOTUS’s front yard.

 

The big law attorneys out there can afford this one: a beautiful pen constructed from a century-old oak tree that once grew on the Supreme Court premises. This is the next best thing (or next best writing implement) to an actual Supreme Court quill, which you can only get if you’re lucky enough to sit at counsel’s table. ($350).


For the snow globe lover (or the lover of profanity) (or both): SDFO (scroll down and find out)


A snow globe with a thyroid gland inside
A bestseller among doctors and serial killers.

Why the f* don’t they have a Supreme Court snow globe anywhere? I mean seriously, you can get a snow globe of anything. You can get a snow globe of nothing. You can literally get a snow globe of a thyroid gland. But no, not the Supreme Court.



a snow globe with a floating and sparkly red F-word inside
Free speech, baby.



The closest I could come up with was this, which is kind of cool, but even that’s unavailable.


So instead, I present to you the Mahanoy v. B.L. aka cursing cheerleader snow globe! F*ck school, F*ck softball, F*ck not having a Supreme Court snow globe, F*ck everything. ($70).



For the Supreme Court loving gamer: because we lawyers are competitive.


I dissent, the game.
For some, dissenting isn't a game; it's a way of life.

In this game, the wannabe justices players argue about whether they agree a proposition until the Chief Justice calls a vote. Score points by voting in the majority. Or, score extra points by being the sole dissenter, thereby blocking the majority from adding to their score. ($19.99).

 


Alternatively, never suffer from boredom standing in line for oral argument again! Instead, bring this handy U.S. Constitution quiz deck! ($12.99).


Or, pick up an old fashioned deck of cards beautifully decorated with holographic art from U.S. currency. You can say they are a tribute to Justice Chase’s opinion in the Legal Tender Cases. ($15).


For your Taft loving SCOTUS lover: represent!



















Posted without comment. Okay, one comment: this shirt rocks. ($24.95). And you should definitely pair it with this excellent Taft biography by National Constitution Center's Jeffrey Rosen. ($19.47). As Taft once said, “Presidents come and go, but the Supreme Court goes on forever.”


For the SCOTUS lover who is feeling more Barbie than Oppenheimer: The Barbie movie was deep (and libertarian), ok?


A sweatshirt that says "Lawyer" in the same pink font as the Barbie logo.
"Humans only have one ending. Ideas live forever." -from the Barbie movie. Very Taft-esque, no?

Doesn’t really need a description. It’s just cute. ($18).


For that difficult partner in your law firm’s SCOTUS practice: a mug to hold opposing counsel’s tears.


May your cup runneth over.

Actually, they’d probably hate it. Available on Etsy ($12.99),


For the RBG loving SCOTUS lover: you don’t need any help.


If you’re shopping for an RBG lover, you don’t need a guide because there is so. much. stuff. on the market devoted to her. They have a creepily realistic RBG candle, an RBG tarot card (who knew?)... seriously, you don’t need my help. But as someone who has a lot of RBG paraphernalia, here’s a couple of things I might suggest:


RBG-ingle all the way.

What’s not to love? Plus, maybe if you ask nice enough, the seller will make one with Justice Salmon P. Chase’s face on it for your personal collection. Available here. ($29).


If your RBG lover is also an epicurean, you could pair this cookbook containing Supreme Court food traditions and recipes ($24.95) with an RBG apron ($32) or oven mitt ($16). Not only does the cookbook tell the stories of the justices eating together and traditions at the Court, it includes “recipes associated with the Justices and their families, from John Marshall's Quoit Club Punch to Mrs. Neil M. Gorsuch's English Marmalade.” It “includes 43 recipes, and more than 100 photos, letters and artifacts, including the painted tin ammunition box from the Civil War Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. used to bring his lunch to the Court.” Bon appetit!











If you really care about your RBG-loving friend, you’ll get them one of these marvelous Ashley Longshore paintings. I believe Ashley has sold all of her RBG’s, so they are mostly available on the secondary market. But I’ve heard that if you inquire with the artist, you may be able to commission one (yes, I heard that because I asked her myself). It’s absurd how badly I want one of these.


For the SCOTUS-loving defense attorney: Prove it!



Available here. (on sale for $12.99!) Pairs nicely with a pocket Constitution.


For the SCOTUS lover who likes to imbibe and celebrate economic liberty: booze!


1905 Jack Daniels
Raise a glass to freedom.

I present to you: Jack Daniels whiskey, bottled the same year that Lochner was decided (1905). Something every bon vivant and lover of unenumerated rights will love! ($700+).


"Wine is constant proof God loves us." -B. Franklin

A less expensive option: choose from a selection of Madeiras “reflecting the style and complexity that enchanted our forefathers.” Made by The Rare Wine Co., “America’s pre-eminent source of Vintage Madeiras from the 18th, 19th and early 20th centuries.” ($70+).


For the tax hating SCOTUS lover: their very own Boston Tea Party.


2023 is 250th anniversary of the Boston Tea Party. Yet D.C. still is taxed without representation.

So your SCOTUS-watching friend hates taxes and doesn’t drink coffee (looking at you, Clark Neily!) How about a collection of teas that were thrown overboard during the Boston Tea Party? ($38.99). Doesn’t have much to do with the Supreme Court, but it’s still pretty cool.


For the SCOTUS loving Hamilton lover: for those who can’t afford the real Alexander Hamilton’s autograph.


Sheet music signed by LMM.
Dear Lin: Thank you for Moana. And for that song Luisa sings in Encanto.

Sheet music from the musical, autographed by the man himself, Lin-Manuel Miranda. ($45). I love you, Lin!


For your one true love: essential Reconstruction Era documents.


What's your favorite constitutional amendment and why is it the Fourteenth?

True love is purchasing both volumes of Kurt Lash’s excellent collection of essential documents related to the Thirteenth, Fourteenth, and Fifteenth Amendments. There aren’t enough heart-eyed emojis in the world for these books. But they come at a steep $175 per volume. If you are reading this, husband, I’ll start with Volume 2.



Merry Everything, everybody! From, the SCOTUSLadies.

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